


Begin Again

by Mimm



Category: Quantico (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 22:15:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5472548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mimm/pseuds/Mimm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He kissed him back. He didn’t think he would. But he did.<br/>Spoilery up to 1x07.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Begin Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [csichick_2](https://archiveofourown.org/users/csichick_2/gifts).



> Treat for csichick_2. Upon seeing a request for Simon, especially Simon/Elias, I knew I had to write something. My two Quantico boyfriends. To the bitter end, I ship them.

_IF YOU NEED TO TALK, CALL._

_XO  
ELIAS_

Simon looked at the note, slightly crumbled now, the fold almost worn out from the several times he had picked it up to read it.

It was a reminder to him. A reminder that he had a friend. It was also a reminder that nothing had gone according to his plans. How little he had known back then.

As detailed as he had thought his cover to be, he hadn’t taken into account the fact that he wasn’t the only one involved. There were other people around him, those who didn’t know the truth wasn’t the truth and who wouldn’t know when to back off. As a result, the cover would change and twist like a live being until something would bring it down altogether.

And that's exactly what had happened.

* * *

Simon had chosen his cover simply because it was the opposite of what he was. He wasn’t gay and his eyesight was more than adequate, but both being gay and having glasses were something that would catch people's attention, letting the real him hide in the background. He wouldn't be the man who had been to Gaza and seen things, done things, that would never leave him. The less he had to think about that part of his history, the better. On the whole, it hadn’t been an unpleasant role to play. It had felt foreign but foreign meant that it was exactly the right thing to choose. The further away from reality, the better. It meant safety and comfort.

In Quantico, he had planned to focus on the training and training only. Strictly business, nothing more.

What he hadn’t expected was coming face to face with a nice looking guy who had clearly chosen Simon as his target, whatever his motivations were. A nice looking _gay_ guy, and a rather persistent one at that. 

Elias had rattled his cover at every turn and at times appeared to see right through it, picking holes here and there, questioning everything. Simon had found it a little amusing at first, not knowing to what lengths Elias was capable of going but thinking he was safe.

Then it had become irritating. Simon had known that the thinner his cover got the more dangerous his life could become. And not only Simon’s but Elias’ as well. He couldn’t really blame Elias for what he did because it was just who he was and what he did best, but he had wished the guy would stop before it was too late for the both of them.

* * *

Simon hadn’t wanted to admit it even to himself but even back then, deep inside, he had known Elias wasn’t just an annoying classmate and a nuisance. Just like Nimah, Elias was someone who stood out in the crowd. Nimah fascinated him with her ever changing personality that was warm and kind one moment, then suddenly cool and evasive the next. Elias was a bit like that, flirting with him so openly he had no choice but to feel flattered and pleased, and then suddenly attacking him with accusations and insinuations.

Simon had always been interested in people who challenged him instead of simply agreeing with him, accepting everything he said at face value. It was more interesting to have an occasional argument with someone instead of just nodding and smiling at everything.

Elias, like Nimah, had definitely ben a challenge. As much as Simon had feared Elias would crack the code that was Simon Asher, he had liked the guy. For the most part, anyway. Nice face, he had thought. Not tough to look at even if one was straight. Intelligent, too, a quality he had always appreciated in people. His sense of humour was also the kind that had made Simon smile even when he hadn't necessarily wanted to. Whenever Simon had thrown Elias a half-insult to make him back off, Elias had retorted with a witty comeback. Yes, a challenge, most definitely.

If only Elias had stopped his persistent mission of getting out the truth, they could have become good friends. But Elias wasn’t like that, so what Simon had originally thought to be a somewhat tough job to manage - maintaining a persona that was almost real but not quite - had become increasingly more difficult to handle until it had become too much and it all fell apart.

* * *

“The truth is you’re dangerous.”

Words he had agreed with. Words he had known to be the truth. Words he had hated to hear _because_ they were the truth.

Until then, he had been able to avoid most missteps, but when he had heard those words he had known there was nowhere to hide anymore. His time was up. Elias would make sure Simon was kicked out of Quantico for good.

Maybe he could have spun another lie, he had thought. Another almost-truth, another way to evade the inevitable. But he had known that a guy as smart as Elias would see right through it in seconds. It had no longer mattered if he would regret it or not. He had to come clean.

* * *

Lying on his bed, he had planned his words and reasons and what he would say. He had gone to Elias expecting to handle it like a sensible man explaining his situation and then leaving Elias to consider what he had said. The moment he had seen Elias, seen how angry he looked, he had realized the pointlessness of his plan.

He needed to drop the act. To simply say what he meant, say what he felt. It was the only way there would be even the slightest chance of Elias believing anything he was saying.

“You were right about me,” he said. “I am dangerous.”

He could barely remember what he had said next, but he could remember how he had felt. The fear that Elias wouldn’t believe a single word coming out of his mouth. The fear of judgment. The fear of disappointing Elias by admitting that what he had presented himself as was actually nothing but a big lie, an insult to everything Elias was, to cover something that was a lot worse than just faking being gay or liking coffee when he didn't.

Simon wasn’t one to break easily but that had been one of the few times it had happened.

And even then, even after everything Simon had told Elias, Elias had responded in a way only he could.

“You should keep the glasses. They look good on you.”

Forever a flirt.

* * *

It had been like an invisible wall had been broken from between them. It was strange, Simon thought, how admitting that he had lied would bring anyone closer instead of breaking them apart.

He had thought things would be better now that it was all out and there was no reason to pretend, but things had only gotten worse.

One single exercise, one single wrong decision made by Elias, and whatever new bond they had been building was going to be snapped in half.

Simon had feared being kicked out of Quantico, but he had realized that having Elias kicked out felt just as bad if not worse. There had been nothing he could do, no way he could have fixed it. He hated not having control over things that mattered to him, and this had certainly been a thing that mattered.

He had gone to Elias for one last time, to say goodbyes, to say how sorry he was for everything.

What he had seen was a man so upset it had hurt to look at him. Whatever pain Elias had felt, Simon could feel it too. He had tried to say he was fine but anyone with eyes could see he was anything but fine.

Only a little while ago it had been Simon who had been breaking. It had been even worse to see Elias do the same. There was nothing he could say to comfort him.

“I’m gonna miss you,” he had said. He was no longer surprised that he really meant it. Somehow things had changed, evolved, to a point where the man he had found increasingly irritating was one of the closest people in his life.

Elias had tried to smile all through the conversation, to look like he was fine with the situation, but everything about his body screamed that he wasn’t fine. And Simon wasn’t fine either. He was aching inside.

Then Elias had walked up to him and placed his hands on Simon’s arms. It hadn’t been the first time they had touched each other, but it had been the first time Simon had felt something beyond annoyance. His new friend was standing right in front of him, hurting, trying to put on a brave face and failing.

He hadn’t been sure if they would ever see each other again. It was a possibility.

So close to him, close enough to kiss, and then he had.

Simon had kissed other men before but he hadn’t felt anything before. In his mind he had thought he would give Elias this one kiss, this one gesture of apology and regret and goodbye, but only as a friend. It had become more. He hadn’t simply let Elias kiss him. He had kissed Elias back. He hadn't thought he would but he did.

He had known that moment that what he was feeling now had been more than what he was supposed to feel. More than he had expected to.

What he had felt was genuine heartbreak. What could have been the beginning of something had been an ending instead. It hurt.

* * *

_IF YOU NEED TO TALK, CALL._

The words tempted Simon again. He had read them over and over again. The XO, the name, the handwriting. He needed to talk. He needed someone to listen and hear him. He needed someone to be there that wasn’t Nimah or Raina but someone who had already seen him broken. He needed more than to just talk.

He thought about the kiss. It had been their first kiss. Simon’s first kiss with a man that had mattered. He didn’t know yet that it wouldn’t be their last. What he had thought as an ending had only been a beginning.

He picked up the phone, searched for Elias' number and pressed call. There was a long pause before the call connected.

"Hello? Simon?"

A voice he had missed hearing.

"Hello, Elias. I need to talk."

\--End--

**Author's Note:**

> Even after what happened in 1x11, we still have several unaccounted months between Quantico and the bombings. I like to think something happened then and that 1x07 was just a prelude.


End file.
